Dear Kat; Meeting Others


An anonymous reader asks,

Dear Kat,

I play a male character. A gay male character. I love him to absolute bits yet I’m afraid he’s going to spend his entire life alone. How can I go about meeting people? I, OOCly, am too shy to walk up into a tavern and just /meet people/, it seem so alien that I feel like I can’t play him properly, despite the fact he’s no doubt quite content to stroll into a tavern and have a wine and a bit of conversation. I don’t know what to do ;-;

Dear Anon,

First, kudos to you for playing what you like without caving in to the normal kind of anxiety. Gay female couples have been increasingly common in the world of RP (and though some people like to complain about that, I say fie on them – play what you want!) – but gay male couples don’t have quite that same kind of visibility; and it’s always nice to be reminded that there are, in fact, people who play the character they want regardless of sexuality. Roleplayers are some of the most tolerant, open-minded people I’ve ever had the pleasure to know – despite how vocal the few like to get against whatever they don’t themselves fancy.

That said, I actually have a lot of respect for people who don’t feel anxious attempting to wander in to meet people in-character in such a way. I have my fair share of it, too – and I think the most ready solution, if overcoming the anxiety simply isn’t working, is to try out-of-character avenues, instead! Conversely, you could try bringing a friend… Does he have any single female friends who might like to ‘scope out the view’ with him? If I were RPing, I’d be all over something like that – it sounds like great fun!

Now, which you use will depend quite a lot on what you’re looking for, exactly. Personally, I like to keep character profiles on any roleplay forums I’m a part of – in addition to a collection of all of my profiles from all of my games on my character website; in addition, given the nature of some of my characters, to appropriate profiles on more ERP-centric communities with disclaimer aplenty about what I was and was not looking for.

Doing it this way, you’re inviting others to approach you if they’re interested in what they’ve found, and eliminating much of the anxiety that comes with putting ourselves – our characters – and our RP – before a group of strangers.

Please let me know if there is anything more specific with your situation that I can help with! I know the answer was a little vague, but there really are just so many things that go into it – I hope one of them helps!



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